Dilemmas, Dilemmas

 


   My father is dying. I do not care that much, though, he's still my father. I got my passport and now he's urging me to go to Alaska and work. He said I'm wasting time and money here for college. "3 to 4 years is too long" he said. My mother wants me to finish college to at least get a diploma, degree or something, and I think that's reasonable. And I kinda like the University I'm attending, people are good, maybe for now, but oh well.


   Nearly everyone said that I should go excluding the inner circle of my family, my mother's side. My father is kind of an asshole, you see. So I think he deserve whatever's happening to him right now. By the way, he also have children the same age as my mother so think about that. He has a lot of children, so many that I can't use my fingers to count. It's baffling.


   His days are numbered. His colon cancer is eating away his life, mainly at least. He has a lot of other illnesses and a number of them are severe, not as severe as the colon cancer that he is currently suffering from. He nearly died a number of times already but he keeps clinging on dear life. I guess even demons doesn't wanna claim his soul, or God wants him to repent or something, I don't know. I'm not that much of a religious person.


   Maybe the best course of action is just to continue studying even though my course isn't really the best since it's in low demand. I'll be a bottom feeder anyway they said. But now that I think about it, Hospitality Management is really not the best choice for me. I have never been a decisive person. 


   Choosing things. Liking things. Wanting things. There's too many things I want to do simultaneously that I end up with nothing at all. It's a bad habit of mine and yet I keep doing it.


   I do not know what to do. I cannot do anything. What am I supposed to do? 


   It's been a while since I made a blog post, I really wanted to make it not about personal stuff and mostly game stuff but I really can't. Call me bitch, a wimp, whatever. I don't care anymore. 


   I'll just live, but I won't be alive. Like a corpse getting dragged by the lake, drifting aimlessly until I reach the end.

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